Friday, 28 May 2010

Fly

A lovely little animation from Aardman.

My Ex-Wife's Wedding Dress

Long story short - his wife of 12 years left him. She didn't take the dress. 'What should I do with it?', he asked. 'Do what you like', she said.
So now he's trying to find 101 uses for it. Click here.





Bus driver's birthday flashmob

Draw and Fold Over

Everyone loves a game of consequences, right? Click below and have a go.

Star Wars (circa 1950)

Clever idea, beautifully executed.

Bookshelf Porn

It's not porn. Just bookshelves. Interesting though.

Click the image to see.

A Torquay state of mind

Every country is the best at something

Click the image to see what your country is best at.



Woo! CCTV!

iPad carnage

Goodness, they're not very tough...

Dating Ariane

Fucking creepy, this.

One Click Butter Cutter

An amazing ad for an amazing product.

Bieber Lesbians

The blog's name is 'Lesbians who look like Justin Bieber'. And that's all you need to know.



Who you gonna call?

Apparently Ghostbusters can also be deployed to tackle the KKK.

Industrial Decay

There's something weirdly fascinating about abandoned factories. Click here for more.





Safe Sex

Fruit Machine

Virtual Sistine Chapel

Click the image to have a go - it really is amazing.

Rap Against Rape

Everything about this is utterly gobsmacking.

The Geek Alphabet

Click the image to see the full alphabet.

28/05/10 - Off to get hitched

JuicyPips is going to be off the air for a few weeks as I’m getting married next weekend.
Now, getting hitched should really mark the end of an era of irresponsibility and start the protagonist down a mature and sensible road. We’ll see how that works out. But for the sake of nostalgia, here’s a retrospective of the last four-and-a-bit years I’ve spent at Leo Burnett - perhaps some lessons can be learned from all that childish behaviour.

I joined in the free lunch era of the good old days, before Craig Denyer put his foot down and insisted that people should have to pay for their own food. Within the first couple of weeks of joining I found myself at the Priory House, surrounded by massively drunk secretaries. They made me drink too. Loads. I was all shiny and new, and they were all really loud. I was scared. What would you do? I had to get monstrously drunk and forget to go back to work in the afternoon. On the plus side, I did get to walk Alex Everett down the street like a wheelbarrow, which is something only a few dozen people can boast.

Christmas party 2008. (I think it was 2008? The one with the midgets?) At kicking out time, me and Pat Cooke and some other people went for the longest walk ever to find someone’s flat to have a party in. Jenni Cowdy might have been there, although it’s possible I made that up. We walked for hours, went into this random flat for about half an hour, then got a taxi back to Pat’s place so I could sleep on his living room floor (having forgotten that I didn’t live in London at the time and had nowhere to stay). I think I went to sleep at about 6am. He got up at 8am and went to work, the swot. I made it in for about 2pm - with guyliner smeared all over my face – ate a sandwich, then went home.
That’s actually a pretty crap story, isn’t it?

I once took a copy of Contagious home to read and left it on the bus.

A few years ago, Mike Treharne signed me, Lee McEwan and Aaron Witcher into his swanky private members’ club. We got swiftly thrown out because Lee was really pissed and making a lot of noise; he then managed to walk face-first into a moving car and turned up at work with a very scabby face the next day. He denied everything.
(This isn’t a story about anything stupid I’ve done, I just think that anyone who knows Lee should know that story.)

Me and Ben used to go on ‘trendspotting trips’ that actually involved drinking in Soho pubs. To be fair, that’s where the trendies are.

I knew nothing about advertising when I started working here, having never worked in the industry before, studied it or even shown any real interest. I still know very little, but thankfully nobody ever asks.

I pretend to get all angry when people steal Campaign, but actually I couldn’t give a toss.

I don’t know what a lot of you do, or why. There are some of you who I know well enough to have a pint with, but I have no idea what your name is. Please don’t bring this up, it’ll embarrass us both.

Once when I’d been drinking in the bar, I thought it’d be funny to swap around the cables of Madonna and Kim’s computers so that their keyboards and mice were plugged into each other’s machines. Unfortunately, I was a little too drunk to be sufficiently well co-ordinated to achieve such a manoeuvre. I fell heavily onto Madonna’s desk and scattered her stuff EVERYWHERE. And then ran away.
The next day we had a nice little rant about how disrespectful the cleaners had become, messing up her desk like that.

At a plannery thing last year (or maybe the year before) at the Priory House, I drunkenly insisted that we get one of each of all the whiskies they had so that we could taste them and compare. Apparently it cost somebody a fortune. I don’t really remember.

During a Christmas lunch years ago, Ali Bucknall threw a peanut at me. I threw one back. The violence escalated rapidly. I put a peanut up my nose, picked it out again and fired it at her with full force. It missed, bounced off the wall and landed in Gurdeep Puri’s drink. He didn’t notice. I’m pretty sure he drank it.

Right, that’s a full-ish list of confessions. (I've definitely never stolen Paul Lawson's car, and there definitely isn't video evidence of me doing so.)
I’ll be acting juvenile until my last day, after which point… I’ll see you when I’m all grown up.

Google Pacman

...in case you missed it. Click the image to play.

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Bye bye Amanda Reid

This was attached to possibly the coolest 'bye, I'm leaving' all-staff email anyone's sent at Leo Burnett. Lovely.

video

Monday, 24 May 2010

Friday, 21 May 2010

The Dark Knight in two minutes

...and, er, slightly altered.

Shit My Kids Ruined

Bless 'em. They are doing it on purpose.
Click here.







Slipping Cleese a Silver Dick

Accidental Penis

...is a brilliant name for a blog. Click here.





Take Without Consent

I particularly love the brutality of calling a baby a 'little prick'.

Openbook

Facebook privacy isn't that hot. And Mark Zuckerberg doesn't respect you.
To illustrate the point, try Openbook's facility that enables you to search everyone's Facebook status here.

Creationist propaganda

Fucking hell. BRAINWASH! BRAINWASH!

Lovely Listing

Sometimes weird stuff crops up in real estate ads. Click here to see.



'Flexible Love'

...is a brilliant, if misleading, name for a chair.

Fanpage Answers

Does it piss you off when your Facebook friends 'like' random stuff that you can't see unless you like it too? Now you don't need to - it's all getting archived here.
(They're all shit, obviously - 99% of Facebook users are total morons.)



Do you give a rip about Alabama?

This guy is accidentally hilarious.

Photorealistic biro art

All drawn with biros - click here.



Unusual cakes

Very clever. Not particularly appetising. Click here for more.





Trippy strobing

Do not click the image below if you have epilepsy. Or if you ever want to look at anything with your eyes again.

'The Elements'

...by the legendary Tom Lehrer.

21/05/2010 - Fuzzy memory

Back in the mid-eighties I used to be a romance novelist. I lived in a messy little condo in New York with my cat, my typewriter and a quietly nagging sense of despair at my spinsterhood. They were simple times, but generally happy enough – I had an impressive collection of shapeless woolly jumpers, some reasonably haphazard hair (it was the eighties) and a certain keenness for duty free spirits in miniature bottles. My slushy pulp fiction was selling well enough to keep me in fuzzy knitwear, and my agent was an absolute peach.

So I wasn’t exactly living the American Dream, but I was content enough with my bubble of existence.
One day, however, I received a disturbing phone call. You know the feeling you get when the telephone chimes and you immediately sense that bad juju is afoot? When the hairs on your arms stand to attention like a miniature fleshy cornfield? With growing trepidation, I lifted the receiver…
It was my sister Elaine. She’d been having a right bitch of a time. She’d reached that unfortunate time of life when the face loses its youthful allure and begins to set in a grim mask of defeat; her voice was shrill and her eyes carried the weight of ages.
She was particularly shrill on this occasion – it transpired that her husband Eduardo had been murdered, if you can imagine such a thing, although that wasn’t the most pressing issue. No, the poor spaz had been kidnapped! Ludicrous.
Anyway, the long and short of it was that Eduardo had mailed me a package before he bought the farm, contained within which was the ransom to free Elaine. Don’t ask me why he’d done this, I always thought he was a bit of a cretin. This kind of behaviour was typical of him. So, I’d have to take this package – in person! – to Colombia to swap it for my flustered sibling. What a palaver, eh?

The journey, I’m afraid to say, was rather less than smooth and trouble-free. See, I was heading for a place called Cartagena, and I needed to get a bus from the airport once I landed. It was mayhem at the bus station though, I had no idea where to go – it wasn’t like the efficient termini of New York City with helpful signs and departure boards, it was just a big car park full of buses, teeming with sweaty Colombians brandishing pointy luggage and unexpected livestock. I jumped on a bus that looked as if it might have been going the right way but, to be honest, I was baffled, irritable, discombobulated and sleepy. Once underway, I tried to ask the driver if we were going where I thought we were going but, I’m embarrassed to admit, my Spanish is pretty dire. In distracting him, I managed to get the whole sorry lot of us into a massive bus crash. How unlucky is that?!

Fortunately, there was a helpful young gentleman on the bus named Jack, who offered to lead me to Cartagena. I wasn’t entirely sure that he wasn’t primarily interested in coercing me into some vigorous jungle-based sexual congress rather than simply revelling in the fresh nobility of aiding an imperilled waif, although the $375 (don’t ask) I offered him seemed to grease the wheels adequately.
Jack, fundamentally useful though he tried to be, was rather inept, it has to be said. He fell over quite a bit – so did I, but his shoes were far more sensible than my girlie ones, even after he hacked off the heels with his mighty machete – and insisted, much to my chagrin, that we follow the magic map to see where it took us. Oh, did I forget to mention? He made me crack open Eduardo’s package, and we found a crinkly old map in there. Mysterious. I wasn’t altogether happy about going on a juvenile treasure hunt when I had an unfortunate sister to rescue, but this didn’t seem to bother him very much.
After much moist woodland chicanery, it become obvious that we were being pursued by an angry little man who bore more than a passing resemblance to Danny DeVito. Puffing and swearing his way through the undergrowth, he was hot on our heels when...

…oh wait, hang on - that’s not my life, that’s the movie Romancing the Stone. Sorry, disregard.

Friday, 14 May 2010

Urinal fail

The failingest fail of them all. Mortifying.

Fake Science

Click this, it's lovely.





Campbell & Boulton arguing on Sky News

Television moment of the year, by far.

GivesMeHope

Tired of the bleakness of FML? Try GMH instead... click here.









Hung Parliament in 3 Minutes

A little out of date already, but still... if you don't know what a hung parliament is, here's a simple explanation.



Hopefully he'll do a follow-up video to explain what David Cameron is.

Early 1900s in colour

Click here - it's almost like being there.





Daily Mail Cancer Song

It's sixty pages of scary bullshit.

Phage Wars

Who'd have thought that trying to become a dominant virus could be so entertaining?

Click the image to play.

Sack Kay Burley! Watch the BBC!

A truly world-class heckle.

World Cup results 2010

The full results in advance! Now you don't need to bother watching all the games...

Click image to enlarge. Then hightail it to the bookies.
















If Mario was designed in 2010

Ooh, it's like real satire. Click the image.

14/05/2010 - The Simpsons

A year or so ago I overheard someone on the train saying that they’d never seen The Simpsons. That can’t have been true, can it? Even if you’re not remotely interested in cartoons in general or The Simpsons in particular, surely the ubiquity of the show’s constant repeats is pretty hard to miss...?
Anyway, I thought it was high time for a JuicyPips Beginners Guide to The Simpsons. A very, very basic one.

The show’s been around since it appeared as a series of shorts on The Tracey Ullman show in 1987. You know the setup – vaguely dysfunctional but fundamentally honest, loving and God-fearing family get into weekly adventures that, generally speaking, have no follow-on week on week (unless someone dies). Aside from the odd birthday, no-one ever ages.
After a three-season run of shorts it was developed into a half-hour show in ’89. Watching season one today is a little annoying if you’re used to more modern material; the animation’s primitive and the voices are all wrong. Still, the plotlines are good – check out ‘Bart the General’ where we meet the kids of Springfield, ‘Call of the Simpsons’ where Homer buys a dodgy campervan and terrifies the family, and ‘The Telltale Head’, an epic Poe-esque tale of crime and retribution.

A lot of long-running shows are criticised for having a tipping-point of quality, after which the show becomes a bit shit (this is called ‘jumping the shark’, after the Happy Days episode in which Fonzie straps on a pair of water skis and jumps over a confined shark, to the great facepalming irritation of the viewer), and this point in The Simpsons is commonly recognised as being the ‘panda love incident’ – an episode (‘Homer vs. Dignity’, season twelve) in which Homer gets raped by a panda whilst dressed in a panda costume. Whether or not you think the show’s still funny is entirely subjective - I think it is, a lot of people think it isn’t - but a good place for a beginner to start, or the disenchanted fan to revisit, is the episode entitled ‘Lemon of Troy’, from season six (1994/5). I won’t spoil the plot, but hunt it down and watch it, it’s the best episode of the lot. (Also try ‘Bart of Darkness’ from the same season.)

The Simpsons has influenced modern culture in many ways that you’re probably already aware of. The obvious example is Homer’s catchphrase, ‘D’oh!’, which made it into the Oxford English Dictionary in 2001. Groundskeeper Willie’s description of the French as ‘cheese-eating surrender monkeys’ has fallen into reasonably common usage, as has the dismissive term ‘meh’. The nineties saw a (regrettable, in hindsight) trend of ‘Bartmania’, with millions of Bart Simpson t-shirts being sold and two singles, ‘Do the Bartman’ and ‘Deep, Deep Trouble’, reaching number one in several countries. Brilliantly, The Bloodhound Gang more recently wrote a song called Ralph Wiggum which consisted entirely of quotes from the eponymous character – surely the ultimate accolade for any creative product...
The success and cachet of the show has resulted in a huge number of celebrity voice cameos over the years – Ricky Gervais, Tony Blair, U2, Alec Baldwin, Jerry Springer, Mark Hamill, Rupert Murdoch, Elton John, Mel Gibson, Ron Howard, Eric Idle, Metallica, Lucy Liu, Sting, Buzz Aldrin, Smashing Pumpkins, Lisa Kudrow, Kiefer Sutherland and dozens of others have all jumped on the yellow bandwagon.

The unapologetically offensive and controversial nature of Matt Groening’s work opened the door for a fresh generation of subversive cartoons; much as they hate to admit it, without The Simpsons we’d have no South Park, Family Guy/American Dad/Cleveland Show, Drawn Together, King of the Hill, Beavis & Butt-Head, Duckman or Ren & Stimpy.

OK, in my head this was going to be an irreverent romp through the history of my favourite TV show, but on re-reading the above it just sounds geeky. To be honest, my heart’s not in it – every time I try to be enthusiastic about anything, an image of David Cameron pops into my head and I’m instantly thoroughly depressed.

So, er... let’s end on a quote from one of my favourite authors, Douglas Coupland: "The Simpsons hasn't fumbled the ball in fourteen years, it's hardly likely to fumble it now." Stick with it – now it’s in HD, they’ve stepped their game up. Trust me.

Friday, 7 May 2010

James Bond vs. The Recession

DowningStreetFighter

A lot of funny stuff was created around the election... and this is the best thing by miles. Click image to play.

Hey guys!

This is the most irritating video on the internet by far. Bet you can't watch the whole thing...

Car theft in broad daylight

Seems mostly set up, but amusing nevertheless.

Italia '90 - Panini collection

Everyone looked so cool in 1990. Behold.