Friday, 30 April 2010

Massive Jihad

SpY

Some cool urban art projects - click here.





Tiny Japanese Girl

This is quite weird.

Korea is best

...but they don't like homeless sexuals. Click below to see.

A tribute to doing it wrong

We, as a species, are pretty inept.

Stuck for dinner ideas?

Click below for a world of profanity-sprinkled recipe ideas.

Nick 'Wanker' Griffin

The guy's pure class.

Oh wait, no, sorry, he's a total cunt.

The Riddler

He was a mental bastard, wasn't he? Seriously, what was he banging on about?

Essential World Cup spreadsheet

Looking forward to the World Cup? You'll be needing this comprehensive spreadsheet, stuffed with all the info you need for it all to make sense. Click the logo to download it.

The Longest Way

A sweet little beardy travelly montagey thing.

Star Wars IT Tech Journal

Click here for a lovely blog written from the perspective of a Star Wars IT technician.

The Morning Routine

I'm like this in the mornings too.

Enough Plumbers

A nice little Mario-style game... with a mindfuckingly confusing twist. Click image to play.

ANZ - Barbara & C.A.R.R.O.T.

Harley D. Brown

I wish all politicians had sites like this. Click the image.



Fucking idiot.

Optus Socceroos vs. Wild Animals

This is exactly what the World Cup will be like.

CS4 crash reports

Crashing Photoshop makes people eloquent with rage. Seriously, click here.

Snooker fail

Snooker ref Michaela Tabb made a bit of an arse of herself recently, bless her. Click the image to see what she did.

Stag don't

I'm on my stag do this weekend - hopefully this kind of scenario won't be necessary...

Click to enlarge.

30/04/10 - The world of work

Going to work is a funny thing. You spend so much of your life working that it’s pretty important to find something that you’re good at, or at least something that you enjoy even though you’re shit at it (on the basis that no-one’s going to notice, obviously). But much as you may or may not like what you do for a living – or used to do, or want to do, or whatever – there are certain irritating truths about the modern office that just don’t make any sense. Chief among these are the following:

The perceived necessity to smarmily remember everyone’s names.
You know how it is. There’s a supplier that wants to keep you on side. They want you to renew your contracts year after year, so they’re annoyingly over-nice to you. They’re the sort of person that keeps addressing you by name in conversation, even though you’ve been talking for an hour. They’ve taken you out for a reasonably nice lunch once or twice and pretended to take an interest in your personal life.
…and then one day you bump into them in the supermarket or the tube station, or somewhere else that’s totally out of context. For a moment you struggle to remember how you know them, but you smile and nod as they address you by name and ask questions about your personal life, because they’ve remembered everything. And you cannot recall their name.
Don’t worry about this, there’s no reason why you should remember. If anything, you should ask them what their name is, just to keep them in their place. The whole forced awkwardness of pretending to be mates is thoroughly exhausting. Don’t bother.

The perceived necessity to work long hours.
This makes no sense. You may enjoy your job, you may have a lot to do, but it’s important to keep a sense of perspective. If you won the lottery tomorrow, would you stay in your job or would you be right out the door without a second glance? Exactly. Your job, important as it is, helps you to pay for real life. And you’re not enjoying real life if you’re in the office all the time.
Remember that next time you see me in the lift with my coat on at 5:30pm before you make some ‘ooh, sneaking out early?’ comment. No, I’m leaving on time, because I want to. It’s not a fucking contest, no-one’s impressed that you’re leaving last for the sake of it.

People looking at your monitor.
Somehow this hasn’t yet come to be recognised as the massive behavioural faux pas that it quite clearly is. What makes you think it’s alright to peer over my shoulder to see what’s on my screen, passing comment on whatever I happen to be looking at at the time? Would you point at a page in somebody’s book on the bus and make remarks about what they’re reading? Would you bang on someone’s living room window and offer analysis of the episode of EastEnders they’re watching? No. Butt out, nosey.

Excessive formality.
This is just awful, I hate it. I mean, yes, it’s annoying when people are overly chummy (‘Hi mate, how’s it going? How was your weekend? Yeah, mine was wicked. See the game? Yeah, yeah, anyway, can you help me with something…?), particularly if you don’t know them very well, but it’s far worse when people act deliberately stuffy and formal with you on an everyday basis. Hang on, didn’t we have a pint together last week? Why have you sent me an email full of corporate-speak jargon and signed it off with your surname? And take the fucking jacket off, you’re not even client-facing.

The toilets.
I will never, ever understand office toilets. Everyone you work with is a grown-up, almost all of them live with a spouse or partner of some kind, and presumably their bathrooms at home are clean and serene… so how come people feel the need to piss all over the seat/floor, leave massive skidmarks or just not flush at all when they’re at work? You just would not do that at home. It makes no sense.
Also, a hint: if you’ve made a nasty smell in there, learn how much air freshener to use. None at all is unacceptable, as we can smell your poo. Holding the spray nozzle down for five full seconds is also unacceptable, as everyone on your floor will choke in the caustic chemical cloud. Do you really need to be told this…?

Business cards.
…are totally pointless, aren’t they? I love the fact that I have business cards (in a Patrick Bateman kind of way), but they’re entirely redundant in the 21st century. Once in a blue moon I get to give a card to somebody, and each time I do it feels like the money that was spent on getting them printed could have just paid for a really nice pen. I mean, how hard is it to write down your email address for someone? As soon as one of you has emailed the other, the card itself becomes little more than roach material anyway – at least a decent pen will give you years of use.

That’s it though. Everything else about office life is brilliant – the unanswered phones, the missing pens, the unexplained fire alarms, the mysterious vaporisation of anything you leave in the fridge, the printers that don’t know how to print, the people who totally ignore you when you hold a door open for them, the constant baffling absence of post-it notes… glorious.

Rocket racing

Thursday, 29 April 2010

Aquatic cretin

This is the best news story of 2010 by quite some margin.

Click to enlarge.

Friday, 23 April 2010

I Like Big Butterfingers!

This is the best ad I've seen in ages. Just superb.

The Wal*Mart Experiment

Brilliant. This guy decides to spend a full twenty-four hours in Wal*Mart, just to prove that it can be done. And the staff don't even notice him for the first twenty-two! Click here.

Cassetteboy vs. The One Show

Take that Chiles, you nauseating twunt!

Shit old websites

The internet used to be crap, didn't it? They didn't know things that we know now, the idiots. Click here to see all kinds of examples of how shit things used to be.

Naughty Burger King!

pop.ularity

Think you know music? have a go at this quiz...

Fresh pots!

That Dave Grohl, he fucking loves coffee.

Pothole Gardening

I was surprised to find that this isn't a euphemism. Click the image to see what it actually is.

Amazing post-game interviews

Click here to see the top ten best post-game interviews in the whole history of sport ever. Of all time.

Eliminating paedophilia forever

Wanna feel old?

Live and Kicking hasn't been on the telly for a decade.
Click the gurning faces below to see a whole exciting blog of other things that'll make you feel like a right old giffer.

Pearl & Dean - local cinema ads

'Just ten minutes from this theatre...'

Fernando Alonso on guitar

Make your own David Cameron posters

Click the image to have a go.

Windows XP error music

Weirdly compelling, yet really quite anoying.

The real Clegg & Cameron

100% genuine footage, promise.



23/04/10 - Geekery

The internet’s pretty good, isn’t it? I spend a lot of time using it. Not ‘a lot of time’ like a friendless loser playing World of Warcraft for seventy-two hours straight in a darkened room, ‘a lot of time’ in terms of ‘I’m a bit of a geek, but a comparatively socially acceptable one who talks to real people occasionally, can’t understand C++ and doesn’t know how to operate a Mac’.
Let’s say I’m at my desk for nine-ish hours a day, five days a week, with the internet constantly open (either actively being browsed or just quietly sitting there refreshing and updating itself) – even without the odd hour or two of an evening and a reasonable amount of browsing at weekends, that adds up to quite a lot of web use. (Although I’m not like you well-paid types with your fancy iPhones, this is all proper PC- or laptop-based geekery, with a real keyboard and everything.)
You get to a stage where you can tell you’re spending what could be viewed as a little too much time online. If I spot a new viral/funny video/advert/whatever, I immediately share it. But what happens if someone sends me the same link a week later? I judge them harshly. Have I seen that? Of course I fucking have, I saw it a week ago. Where have you been? How presumptuous to assume I haven’t seen that, everyone’s seen it by now.
I annoy myself sometimes.

Some other things I do that probably aren’t normal:

Getting all snobby about YouTube links. For example, here’s a classic clip somebody might share with you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9Qu3iP3RYA&feature=related
Nothing to get annoyed with there, is there? Yes, of course there is. The URL’s all messy. If I’m sharing a YouTube link, I always trim it off from the ampersand onwards. Sharing one that ends with ‘&feature=related’ says to the recipient ‘this isn’t actually what I was looking for’.
The same goes for YouTube URLs like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5Wg3JUcKwM&feature=player_embedded
You didn’t find that by looking, you found it embedded in someone’s blog or something. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but for Christ’s sake have a bit of dignity and trim your URL. Honestly.

Looking up people’s houses on the internet. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there? If I overhear someone saying their postcode on the phone I have an automatic compulsion to paste it into Google Streetview and have a little wander up and down their road, getting a glimpse into their lives. It’s interesting.
(As a creepy extension to this, you can use whois.com to find out the details of the creators of your favourite blogs, websites and so on, then look up where they live and see if internet fame is bringing them wealth. This is also not weird.)

Obsessively monitoring Google Analytics to see who’s reading my blogs, from where, when, why and for how long. I can see who’s clicked onto JuicyPips or SuckSqueezeBangBlow or, er, the secret anonymous ones, what they were looking at before they clicked through, roughly where they live, which pages they looked at and for how long, what they may have entered into Google to find said blogs. A lot of people search for Harry Dromey. A lot.
You can make a game stab at who’s been applying for other jobs too, as their names will pop up as search terms like ‘“(name)”“Leo Burnett”’. Because that’s what you’d search for to find out about an applicant, wouldn’t you? This is currently happening reasonably frequently with four people.

Not trusting people on Twitter. A lot of people – seriously, loads – will tweet something along the lines of ‘check out this amazing thing I’ve found’ or whatever, followed by a shortened link that they’ve actually pinched from another user. (Twitter users use services like tinyurl and bit.ly to shorten URLs so that they can squeeze longer addresses into their 140-character-limited tweets.) A lot of people don’t realize that you can track back a shortened URL to its creator, seeing all the steps of it being shared along the way. So, if you’re geekily inclined, a shortened URL will reflexively be something you analyse to see whether the tweeter in question actually did find the thing they’re sharing, or if they just nicked it off Stephen Fry and didn’t credit him.

Judging people for text-speak. It’s just moronic, isn’t it? I refuse to reply to emails that contain ‘lol’, as they’ve clearly been written by cretins. The same goes for people who can’t locate or understand the function of the Caps Lock key. STOP SHOUTING, YOU LOOK LIKE A RETARD. Substituting ‘u’ for ‘you', ‘4’ for ‘for’ and any of that kind of juvenile behaviour also fails to elicit a response. Come on, how much time are you honestly saving by doing that? You look stupid.

Judging people for being shit at the internet in general. Not all people, obviously; my grandma uses AOL (I think she’s the only person in the world who still does) and prefixes everything with ‘the’ (‘the eBay’, ‘the Hotmail’), but she’s very old – it’s impressive she can use a computer at all. No, it’s the people who use the internet all day for a living and are still shit at it that wind me up. ‘How do you get from here to Oxford Street?’ ‘What’s a .wav file?’ ‘What’s the shortcut for turning all caps into lower case?’ Fucking Google it. In the time it’s taken you to ask, you could have found out for yourself and moved on to something else.

Sorry, I have to go now - I haven’t refreshed my core Firefox tabs in about ten minutes. Itchy fingers.

Thursday, 15 April 2010

The Papal Workplace

'A recently unearthed Vatican Industries training video which neatly outlines the day to day working requirements for a newly inducted Pope.' Inspired.


Face to face with the real Banksy

He's exactly as I pictured him. Sort of like Alan Partridge with a stepladder and a spray can.

1 million clicks against poverty

eBoy have made an amazing new bit of pixel art for Amnesty International - click the image to see.

University Kombat

This is how I will view University Challenge from this day forth.

Voter Power Index

Do you know how significant each individual vote actually is in your constituency? Click here and find out!



Department of Internet Hate

Grand Theft Paedo: Vatican City

Click below and have a go. You're going to hell anyway.

Dramatic Chipmunk Breaks Out

You remember Dramatic Chipmunk, right? Of course you do, everyone's seen it. But did you know just how mental that chipmunk really is...?

Visuwords

Like all dictionaries before it, the Visuwords graphical dictionary will primarily be used for looking up rude words. Click below and have a go.

Old Spice Odor Blocker ads

They're on a creative roll at the moment. This montage of their Odor Blocker ads is just superb.

Cash does Nash

Back from the grave for one last hit - the Man in Black does the Girl in Polyester.

15/04/10 - April 17th

JuicyPips is a day early this week. Why? Because it’s my birthday on Saturday, and if that’s not worth a day off and a long weekend I don’t know what is.
So, in the spirit of quasi-relevant self-indulgence (which, let’s face it, is all JuicyPips really is), here’s a potted history of the second-best day of the year,
April 17th.

Victoria Adams (Beckham) was born on April 17th 1974, which makes her exactly eight years older than me. This means I still have another eight years in which to have sex with an England footballer - John Terry’s probably a safe bet - and amass a personal fortune of £70m or so, which may be a little tricky. Her Wikipedia entry lists her occupations as ‘singer, songwriter, dancer, author, businesswoman, model, fashion designer, actress’, so I still have some way to go if I want to catch up with her. (Although if I was her, I’d edit that entry to put at least three of those occupations in inverted commas.)

On April 17th 1397, Geoffrey Chaucer recited the Canterbury Tales for the first time in the court of King Richard II. While this is supposed to be an unquestionably respected text, I can’t take it seriously for two reasons: firstly, my old English teacher, Mr Ardley, used to insist on reading the Tales to us in a hilarious made-up accent that he assured us was how everybody spoke back then. As if he’d fucking know. Secondly, the Canterbury Tales museum, that every Kentish schoolkid will have been forced to trudge around at one time or another, really smells of piss.

The Ford Mustang was first unveiled to the world on 17th April 1964 at the New York World’s Fair. As any self-respecting car geek knows, the Ford Falcon-based coupe basically invented the concept of the options list – the fact that so many variables were available (body style, engine size, seats, colours, fabrics, dials, brightwork, transmission etc), coupled with various year-on-year changes, meant that no two Mustangs were the same. And they’ve sold 9,000,000 of them. The first ever customer Mustang recently fetched $5.5m, although cheaper examples are available if you want to buy me one.

Pete Shelley was born on 17th April 1955, and he’s a much cooler person to share a birthday with than Posh Spice. He was a founder member of the Buzzcocks - one of my all-time favourite bands. He and Howard DeVoto saw the Sex Pistols in 1975 and decided that they wanted to form a band. In ’76 they played their first gig, supporting the Sex Pistols. How cool is that?

On April 17th 1970 the Apollo 13 crew safely returned to Earth after spectacularly cocking up the mission. Well, it was more the machinery’s fault than theirs, but still – how hard can it be to get to the moon? All you’ve got to do is fly in a straight line, land, then fly back again. I’d give it a go myself if I had a suitable craft (preferably one built by Russians, they seem to be better at it), but no-one’s offered me the chance thus far.
Emulating the success of Apollo 13 should be significantly easier than that of the Ford Mustang or Victoria Beckham, though – NASA called the mission a ‘successful failure’. I rather like the sound of that.

John McCarthy was abducted in Beirut on 17th April 1986. I swear I had nothing to do with this – I was only four.

April 17th is World Haemophilia Day. Haemophilia is quite a nasty disorder in which the blood lacks clotting agents, meaning that if you cut yourself you bleed for ages, and slight knocks give you massive bruises. A boy in my class at school suffered from a form of haemophilia, although I had absolutely no sympathy for him as he used to bully me in a mild sort of way, calling me ‘fat tosser’ (an inspired nickname) in the knowledge that punching him in the face would result in hospital for him and expulsion for me, which is a mean way to exploit an illness. It pains me to this day that I didn’t capitalise more on the fact that his surname rhymed with ‘paedo’. Although that wasn’t the funny insult then that it is today.

The number one album when I was born was Iron Maiden’s ‘The Number of the Beast’. This may explain a lot.

Some more notable 17th April birthdays: Riccardo Patrese, Sean Bean, Nick Hornby, Ferdinand Piëch, Claire Sweeney, Redman, Jennifer Garner, Billy Fury, Sizzla, Rowdy Roddy Piper, J.P. Morgan, John McCririck, James Last, Thornton Wilder, Nikita S. Khrushchev. I’m not quite sure where to position myself in that list.

One final fact about April 17th: It was the date that Neoplatonist philosopher Proclus died. Attributed to him is the quote ‘wherever there is number, there is beauty’, which is quite a geeky thing to say, but I wasn’t bad at maths in primary school so I have a pretty strong connection with him across the ages. I think. It’s almost as if he chose to die on that special day, knowing that I’d be following in his footsteps a mere 1,497 years later. In fact, it seems pretty likely that I’m the reincarnation of Proclus; I mean, I’m not a vegetarian like he was (kind of the opposite, in fact) and I’ve never been a practising lawyer, but I have seen his six-volume opus on Platonic Theology in a bookshop and could probably read it if I wanted to.
Not that I can be bothered. Think you’re better than me, Proclus? Screw you – you’re dead. I’m not. I’ve got your life now, and I’m wasting it playing Gran Turismo 4 and drinking Spitfire. Suck on that, you ancient ponce.

Friday, 9 April 2010

The Secret Behind Nike Air

Please Fire Me

The woeful tales of the malemployed. If this sounds like your kind of situation, you can empathise. If you put up with worse than this, you should be walking out of there. Click here.

I particularly like the last one. We have the same printers in our office and they're always fucked.









NYC Subway gets Rick Roll'd

The University of Oregon's male a capella group, On The Rocks, Rick Roll'd a carriage of commuters on the New York subway. Brilliant though it is, the passengers look bemused rather than entertained...

Tetris Hell

Click below to play a hilariously infuriating twist on the classic Tetris formula.

Chris Kamara - bumbling cretin or comic genius?

I have no interest in football, but Chris Kamara makes me want to watch Soccer Saturday.

Bad Translator

Ultimately pointless, but then the best things are, aren't they?

Click the image below to try it.






It takes the phrase you enter, translates it back and forth between various languages, and invariably leaves you with something nonsensical. For example:

JuicyPips rocks the box
AFRIKAANS : JuicyPips rotse uit die boks
Back to ENGLISH : JuicyPips rocks the box
ALBANIAN : shkëmbinj JuicyPips kutia
Back to ENGLISH : JuicyPips rocks box
ARABIC : JuicyPips الصخور مربع
Back to ENGLISH : JuicyPips rock box
BELARUSIAN : JuicyPips рок акне
Back to ENGLISH : JuicyPips rock box
BULGARIAN : JuicyPips рок кутия
Back to ENGLISH : JuicyPips rock box
CATALAN : JuicyPips caixa de pedra
Back to ENGLISH : JuicyPips stone box
CHINESE : JuicyPips石盒
Back to ENGLISH : JuicyPips stone box
CHINESE_SIMPLIFIED : JuicyPips石盒
Back to ENGLISH : JuicyPips stone box
CHINESE_TRADITIONAL : JuicyPips石盒
Back to ENGLISH : JuicyPips stone box
CROATIAN : JuicyPips kamenih okvira
Back to ENGLISH : JuicyPips stone frame

Exit Through the Gift Shop - trailer

A sneaky peeky at the Banksy movie.

Help Feed the Troll

...because the internet wouldn't be the internet without arseholes. Click here.



Numa Numa Guy vs Chatroulette

This was bound to happen sooner or later. MEMEQUAKE!!

Young Me / Now Me

Find a cherished photo from your past. Re-enact it as a grown-up. Simple and really rather lovely.

Click here.





Twitter bird prank at SXSW

Grown men dicking around in costumes: still funny.

Taiwanese kid sounds like Whitney

90% of the world's seen this now, but just in case you haven't...

Arsenal meet the Queen

Funnily enough, this is a genuine soundtrack with no dubbing at all...

Fascist fashion

Surely Cheryl looks more like M. Bison...?

Click to enlarge.

Nothing to do with Earth Hour

Pictures of Spring

Hurrah, spring is finally here! And here are some beautiful photographs to celebrate it, courtesy of the Boston Globe.





Duelling Carls

If you leave this running for long enough, eventually the universe will implode.

Pixels


PIXELS by PATRICK JEAN.
Uploaded by onemoreprod. - Watch original web videos.

Scrabble travesty

This really boils my piss. Is nothing sacred...?

Click to enlarge.

09/04/10 - Election warm-up

So, an election’s been called and we’ve got a month(ish) to make our minds up about whose name we want to scrawl our pointed little crosses beside. Let’s take a little look at the big fish, shall we?

David Cameron, Conservative
If you like your politicians old-school (i.e. slippery, smarmy and desperate to be loved at any cost), Cameron’s your man. He may claim to be progressive and forward-thinking, but he’s very much of the old guard. He comes from good stock – a long line of stockbrokers on one side, and the High Sheriff of Berkshire on the other – and attained a first in Philosophy, Politics & Economics at Oxford, although he was at Brasenose, which everyone knows is a total party college. He previously studied at Eton, which explains why he’s so popular with the working classes. In 1983 he was banned from leaving the school grounds after admitting smoking cannabis. Did they expel him? Of course not – they made him copy out some Latin text. Oh, the shame of it.
He claims that the KGB tried to recruit him after leaving Eton, too. They probably wanted him for his apparent inability to age, if recent Tory campaign posters are to be believed. Oh wait, no, he was heavily airbrushed. What a tart.
He also rides his bicycle through red lights, which is a really fucking annoying way to behave.

Gordon Brown, Labour
He’s got a bit of a mental face, particularly when he’s smiling, but he’s an affable old buffer really. He has a PhD and used to work in television, which makes him simultaneously more clever and more interesting than Cameron. He’s had a real bitch of a time being Prime Minister, but you’ve got to expect that when you inherit someone else’s war economy and have to steer it through a crippling recession.
The fact that his father’s middle name was Ebenezer, coupled with being blind in one eye, means that if he’s forced to move out of Number 10 he still has a promising career as a pirate.
He was a reasonably successful Chancellor of the Exchequer (the longest-serving in modern history), although he did blot his copybook by selling off 60% of the UK’s gold reserves at rock bottom prices between 1999-2002. He should have hung on for a bit and flogged it all to Cash4Gold.

Nick Clegg, Liberal Democrats
Who?
If I passed him in the street, I honestly don’t think I’d recognise him. This is no reflection on his character, he just has one of those generic faces.
His father is half-Russian, his mother is Dutch and his kids are called Antonio, Alberto & Miguel, so he’s got no chance of winning over supporters of the BNP or UKIP (the dangerously powerful ‘cretin vote’), although this does mean he can speak an impressive selection of languages.
He once served community service for arson in Munich.
He was a member of the Cambridge University Conservative Association in the late eighties, but seems to have changed his mind since.
In a GQ interview in 2008, he said he’d slept with ‘no more than thirty women’; the Daily Mail got really steamed up about that, but no-one with the power of independent thought gives a fuck what they think.

Caroline Lucas, Green
Don’t think she doesn’t stand a chance because she’s a girl – look at Thatcher. No, she doesn’t stand a chance because she’s too nice. In theory, the Green Party is a superb option, but no-one’s ever going to stray from the big three (well, big two, really) unless they go right-wing (see below), which screws over the Greens every time.
Aside from her political career, Lucas has worked with Oxfam, the RSPCA and the Stop The War Coalition – she basically just wants to help everyone. She’s like a slightly eccentric auntie, tie-dying her own t-shirts and taking a flask of tea to CND rallies. Unfortunately for her, she’s living proof that being nice, helpful and public-spirited will get you nowhere in politics.

Nick Griffin, BNP
The man’s a cunt.
Unfortunately, recent low voter turnouts have meant his party of bullying fascists now have seats in Europe, which your tax money is paying for.
Griffin wants everyone in Britain to be white, with ‘second-class citizen’ blacks, Asians and Jews returned to their forefathers’ countries. He has strong and very real links to Nazi and terrorist organisations across the world. He denies the holocaust, and joined the National Front at the age of fifteen. He has been convicted numerous times on race hate charges.
Griffin describes himself as a ‘new nationalist’. Everyone else calls him ‘a racist’. There are two types of BNP voter: moronic racists, and people who are too stupid to understand their policies and genuinely believe the ‘coming over here, taking our jobs’ line. If you don’t vote, these people still will. That’s how the party get seats.

Nigel Farage, UKIP
Not quite as bad as Griffin, but almost. His immigration policy is the most thinly-veiled xenophobia imaginable, and he’s appropriated and squandered over £2,000,000 of taxpayers money in expenses and allowances, for no apparent reason. He acts like a petulant child in European parliament, having told the President, Herman Van Rompuy, that he has ‘the charisma of a damp rag’ and that ‘nobody in Europe knows who you are’. He says that Belgium is a ‘non-country’. And have you ever seen a more punchable face? Smug bastard.

Of course, there are plenty of berks trying to be clever and make a quasi-satirical mockery of the democratic process (No Candidate Deserves My Vote! Party, Monster Raving Loony Party, Animals Count Party, Pirate Party UK, Senior Citizens Party, Veritas), and there’s still a widespread belief that voting for a comedy outsider or, worse still, spoiling the ballot paper works as a legitimate protest. It doesn’t.
Considered voting is a duty, not a choice. The far-right won’t go away if you ignore them – you can be sure that their supporters will vote, and your apathy will only make them stronger. Just think about who’s standing and what they can do for you, pick one you like and go and vote for them. If you don’t, you have absolutely no right to whinge about the government in the future, and your peers will judge you harshly at dinner parties.
You can find your constituency candidates here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/election2010/results/default.stm
...and you can check out their voting records here: http://www.theyworkforyou.com/mps/

Use your vote. Or tattoo a swastika on your face, your choice.

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Email shirt

A clever (if pointless) invention. He's tremendously spoddy though, isn't he?

Thursday, 1 April 2010

The Daily Mail Song

Spot on.

A-Z of Awesomeness

Click here for an insanely cool alphabet.

Chatroulette piano improv #2

Just as charming as the first installment. The ending is particularly good.

Permission Slip - 27b/6

Click the image for the funniest thing you'll read today. Trust me, it's worth it.

Star Wars incest

This moment of realisation would have made Star Wars complete.

Quizarray

A collection of YouTube clips of old TV game shows, cunningly arranged as an interactive quiz that you can play! It's truly a work of genius. Click the image to have a go.

"I'm leaving you, motherfudger!"

What better choice for a school play than Scarface...?

GTA IV - safety first!

This is the best thing about the Grand Theft Auto franchise - horrible accidents. (Well, that and killing prostitutes.)

ALTSHIFT

A sweet little game - gravity flips leave you wondering which is the floor and which is the roof. Click the image to play.

Best action sequence ever

This will either be the best or worst thing you see this week.

Stardust

Pointless, but weirdly compelling. Click the image and have a play.

Romeo & Juliet - a Facebook romance

No idea where this came from, but it's brilliant.

Filthy Masterchef

Haiti, 70 days later

Some amazing photography from the Boston Globe. Click here.