Friday, 26 March 2010

Tom Scott - Ignite London

A truly excellent presentation on the potential realities of social media.

Eating Off the People's Princess

The best use ever for a commemorative Diana plate. Click here.





The golden age of video

I can't imagine how much planning and archive-trawling must have gone into this.

Lamehoo

There are a lot of mental people in the world. And all of them use Yahoo! Answers. Click here.







Lady Gaga Telephone Parody

Superb. I hate Lady Gaga.

UK National Archives

...are now on Flickr. There's a near endless supply of pictorial nostalgia - click here.



$30,000 in 8 days

Now that's some efficient frittering.

Saying no to government healthcare

A young American conservative has made a video to protest the healthcare bill (before it was signed, obviously). It's hilariously cretinous and brilliantly amateurish. Click the image to see it. (She's kind of missed the point of trying to create a viral by disabling embedding, the dumbass.)

To be honest, it must be fake. But I'm choosing to believe it's real, as it's much funnier that way.









Flag tattoo man

This dude has the flags of 220 countries tattooed on various parts of his body... which would be quite impressive, if they weren't really badly done. Click here.



He's so desperate to get in the Guinness Book of Records that he's even changed his name to Guinness and tattooed it on his face. Bless.

Chicken Techno!

Simultaneously quite funny and really irritating.

Disturbing X-rays

It's amazing what some people get stuck in them. Click here.





Laden vs. USA

Tasteful.

Corrected paintings

In John Lytle Wilson's own words, 'occasionally an artist will paint something but neglect to include robots and/or monkeys. Where I can, I fix that.' Click here.





Smut for smut

Typically professional coverage from Fox. That man knows his porn!

Cool desktop arrangement

Click here to download the desktop for yourself.

Photoshopping diversity

Sometimes it's not as simple as just pasting a black person in or out of a photograph. Click here.



World Water Day

...was on March 22nd. So, click here for some amazing watery photography.





When couriers attack

Clearly fake, but amusing nonetheless.

The Monster Engine

This is really sweet - The Monster Engine is a book & art exhibit by Dave Devries, taking children's pictures of monsters and giving them a professional touch. Click here and here.

Pencil sculptures

Jennifer Maestre has three things: a lot of skill, a lot pencils and a lot of time on her hands. Click here to see.



Carlton Draught - Tingle

Unusual Australian beer ad.

Chatroulette Bingo

Click here for a selection of Chatroulette bingo cards.

I feel awkward when blokes talk sport

Pretty much sums up my feelings about football.

26/03/10 - OKV III

This will only really make sense if you work in my office and/or know the people concerned. Still, if not... here's an insight into what life's like in the average London ad agency.
Also, for the benefit of Nat Kozlowska's mum and (apparently) national security in general, I've been told to point out that this is all made-up. As if you couldn't fucking guess.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


JuicyPips has been following you around recently. Every corner you turn, every newsagent you furtively buy Rizlas in, every dirty plate you leave in the sink has been noted in the JuicyPips register. It’s time for… OKV III!
(Remember, ‘cos I did this in early ’08, and called it ‘OKV’, like OK magazine for Kensington Village. And then I did it again later that year, and that was OKV II. Keep up.)

Friday 19th, 1940hrs, Kensington Village
Matt Bailey spied escorting an unsteady Fran Baker in the direction of an unlicensed minicab. She’s wearing his coat. He really isn’t wearing very much at all.

Saturday 20th, 0650hrs, Wandsworth Common
Chloe Belskaia seen sprinting toward the trees, pursued by two terriers. Circumstances leading to event unrecorded. Passers-by concerned/amused.

Saturday 20th, 1030hrs, Ikea, Croydon
Paul Lawson, wearing only a dressing gown, buys an entire trolleyful of Köttbullar frozen meatballs. Contents of trolley abandoned in car park as he drives away laughing uproariously. Bystanders baffled.

Saturday 20th, 2030hrs, The White Hart, Barnes
James Martin heard repeatedly screaming the phrase ‘French bastards!’. Has to be physically restrained from throwing bar stools into the river.

Saturday 20th, 2145hrs, Boujis
Chris Jackson spotted in tweed jacket and plus-fours trying to persuade doorman that ‘me and Prince H are like this’. Bickering and minor bloodshed ensue.

Sunday 21st, 0220hrs, Boujis
Richard Bookey exits Boujis wearing a lascivious grin and Chris Jackson’s trousers, a bewildered and wide-eyed girl on either arm. No sign of Jacko.

Sunday 21st, 1400hrs, The Ship, Wardour Street
Philippa Craze berates staff for being ‘totally unable to create a decent Sunday roast panini’. Protestations that ‘that isn’t a thing, madam’ fall on deaf ears as she upends a table and storms out.

Sunday 21st, 1515hrs, Coral Bookmakers, Catford
Craig Denyer puts £8,000 in used non-sequential notes on Lewis Hamilton to win ‘that motor car thing’.

Monday 22nd, 0845hrs, Avonmore Road
Sarah Baumann spotted helping a frail old lady across the street. Ah, lovely.

Monday 22nd, 1330hrs, HMV, Oxford Street
Frank Duck buys an impressively large stack of CDs. Full contents indistinct through telephoto lens, but definitely includes Cheryl Cole’s ‘Three Words’ and the Glee soundtrack.

Monday 22nd, 1825hrs, Bayswater Road
Emma Griffiths spotted being forcibly ejected from 328 bus. Circumstances unclear, but she’s heard to scream ‘he’s mine, bitch!’.

Monday 22nd, 2000hrs, Westfield
Andrew Edwards spied loading a seemingly endless number of Dorothy Perkins bags into the boot of a Maserati GranTurismo.

Monday 22nd, 2010hrs, Westfield
Darren Keen spied jimmying open the boot of the aforementioned Maserati and transferring the contents into the boot of a Kia Pride.

Tuesday 23rd, 1145hrs, Kensington Village
Mike Treharne stalks through the building with vicious bloodlust in his eyes, snorting and growling like a wild boar. Speech borderline incomprehensible, but distinguishable phrases include ‘baptism of fire’, ‘fucking Lotus Notes’ and ‘Mickey Mouse operation’.

Tuesday 23rd, 1600hrs, Kensington Village
Stephen Attree and Nat Kozlowska emerge panting and sweating from the Consumer Lab. Circumstances unclear.

Tuesday 23rd, 1602hrs, Kensington Village
Ann Hunter exits Consumer Lab clutching Polaroid camera, six jumbo chess pawns, bottle of Polish absinthe and Davina McCall workout DVD. Circumstances still unclear.

Wednesday 24th, 0510hrs, Tesco Kensington
Reiko Bridge and Jenni Cowdy spotted wrestling, lycra-clad, in the car park. Jenni laughs manically as Reiko launches her across the tarmac with a brutal kick to the stomach. They shout Bruce Forsyth catchphrases at one another as the Beastie Boys play on a boombox. Scene confusing.

Wednesday 24th, 0850hrs, Kensington Village
Rachel Morgan brushes Geoff Webb’s hair with a tortoiseshell comb in the upstairs bar. Geoff seems to have very little say in the matter; looks confused and unnerved. Rachel calls him ‘my angel’.

Wednesday 24th, 1230hrs, Kensington Village
Louise Cunliffe and Andrew Edwards seen practicing the Top Gun over-and-under high-five. Reasons unclear.

Wednesday 24th, 1500hrs, Brompton Road
Jessica Summerfield strides through L.K. Bennett, followed by flustered husband laden with dozens of pairs of shoes. Suggestions on his part that perhaps she’s chosen enough met with rebukes that he ‘should speak when spoken to’.

Wednesday 24th, 1845hrs, Kensington Village
Claire Batten spotted surreptitiously entering closed-off section of second floor with mannequin dressed in Jenson Button’s ’09 race attire. Emerges two hours later with Cheshire cat smile.

Wednesday 24th, 2250hrs, Ruth Allen’s house
Harry Dromey loiters outside with night-vision monocular. Motives unclear.

Thursday 25th, 1130hrs, Earls Court tube station
Ben Lunt asks passers-by how to find ‘that big advertising building, you know, where they make the burger ads’. Appears bleary-eyed and discombobulated. Throws up in shoe.

Thursday 25th, 1425hrs, Kensington Village
Sam Cooper berates Good Eating staff for quality of coffee. ‘I’m sorry, but this isn’t good enough’. Tirade lasts for longer than is comfortable. Queue forms. Impasse reached. Tantrum follows.

Thursday 25th, 1655hrs, Kensington Village
Paul Lawson spotted giving himself pep talk in gents. ‘You can do this. You’re the man! Who’s the man? Lawson’s the man!’ Mirror unresponsive.

Thursday 25th, 1815hrs, Kensington Village
Harry Dromey attempts to light wrong end of cigarette, gives up, crumples into sorry heap on pavement. Rain masks tears.

Thursday 25th, 2045hrs, Kensington Village
Phil Atkins drags Harry in from the rain. Washes hands thoroughly.

Thursday 25th, 2120hrs, Kensington Village
Harry extravagantly sick in Warwick reception. Security guard attempts to assist, fails, seems content to observe.

Friday 26th, 1000hrs, Kensington Village
Harry awakens on Warwick reception sofa. Shame apparently absent.

Goldfrapp mime catastrophe

Possibly it was the collective will of the audience that caused the noise to rapidly disappear...?

Monday, 22 March 2010

Domino's Pizza - their harshest critics

Here's a nice little piece from Domino's about their 'turnaround', listening to their harshest critics online and in focus groups to help them develop better pizzas. It's a good story, but it makes all of their employees look a little bit mental. (Particularly at 2:10 where they're chanting 'Who are we? Domino's Pizza!')



Nice cliffhanger. Do they kill her...?

Apparently not. Here's part two. I love the slightly aggressive tone of the head chef - he's just one insult from going postal on their pizza-slagging asses.



High-five!

Friday, 19 March 2010

ChatRoulette piano improv

This is just wonderful - and not a penis in sight!

E-Shrooms

Click the image... but only if you want to develop epilepsy.

The Vordertron

Click the image. Keep typing. Wait for the twist.

Own the angle

Paris in 26 gigapixels

Endless opportunities for zooming in and peering through people's windows here. Click the image to see.

30 dumb inventions

The level of ingenuity ricochets between astonishing and terrifying throughout this round-up of bizarre innovations. Click here to see.

5 Second Films - top 20

Sketchy Santas

It's March. Probably a good time for some Christmassy terror then, yes?
Click here for some sketchy santas.





Tech Support

Worldometers

Click the image for real-time world stats.

Google is your father

Tweetbaggery

Click here for dumbass celeb tweets.





Tablecloth trick version 2.0

Lovely new BMW ad.

Ben Stiller - Between Two Ferns

Georgian news simulation

Click to enlarge.

Heineken - Champions League vs. classical concert

Love should be its own reward. But that doesn't extend to football.

Video Game Bosses Lament

Click the image.

Wired Re-read

A chap called Theis Søndergaard likes to flick through old copies of Wired and scan in the old ads - it's fascinating to see that, while they're really not from that long ago, they went out of date pretty damn quickly. Well, that's the tech industry for you. Click here.





Greenpeace vs Nestlé

The hard-hitting anti-palm oil ad that Nestlé want to ban.

Have a break? from Greenpeace UK on Vimeo.

Four Lions

I can't wait for this, it's going to be superb.

Wonky pub

Click to enlarge.

Moves from the future

Take that, Nintendo!

19/03/10 - Mrs Kipling

I saw an advert that really disturbed me this week. It was for Mr Kipling cakes. Have you seen it? It follows the rather unexciting day of the newly fictionalised Mrs Kipling, a character that nobody asked for and few will grow to love.

It begins with the happy couple sitting at the breakfast table. You don’t get to see his face, of course – he’s very much the Kaiser Söze of baking; we do, however, get to see Mrs Kipling in all her frumpy middle-aged glory. She’s asking her mysterious husband ‘are we getting enough oats?’, creating an immediate sexual tension that, frankly, I don’t feel I need to associate with any sort of cake. Taken on a strictly literal level, I don’t think anybody’s ever died of an oat deficiency; moving into the more obvious innuendo territory, the implication that Mr Kipling is anything less than a generous and gifted lover comes as some disappointment. It’s disheartening that she’s even calling his sexual prowess into question, as it’s one of those things that once said cannot be unsaid.
The further implication is that he is not the masterful floursmith we always believed him to be, but merely a patsy for a demanding and overbearing wife. ‘Make me an oaty cake’, she decrees, and so it comes to pass.

His skills as a baker seem rather underwhelming too, but this could be attributable to the poor and imbalanced relationship he has with his joyless spouse. The conversation takes place over breakfast, yet he hasn’t managed to cook up anything palatable until ‘the end of the day’. Now, you or I may take a few days to perfect a cake recipe, but Mr Kipling is supposed to be the BA Baracus of wholesome cakery – you lock him in a shed with an oven, a bag of nails, three kilos of horsehair and a tin of kerosene and he’ll be able to whip you up a bakewell tart of unparalleled gloriousness. He certainly wouldn’t spill a pound of flour on the family dog. It’s as if she’s trying to make him look foolish. I bet she deliberately floured the pooch while his back was turned.

Poor bastard. After his day of toil, he does manage to briefly squeeze in a little ‘exceedingly good’ schmaltz (in a distinctly Father Christmas-esque voice) before his irritating bitch of a wife starts harping on at him again like an angry Victoria Wood, trying to hog all the limelight as if she’s some kind of fucking baking wizard when, in fact, all she’s done is henpeck Mr Kipling into spending all of his time pandering to her whims.

The advert reaches a horrifying crescendo when we see the hellish wife tucked up in bed, the downtrodden baker snoring pitifully by her side, as she laments to the camera ‘I wish he was as exceedingly good at everything else’.
Seriously, fuck you, Mrs Kipling. How dare you crush our innocent childhood image of Mr Kipling by alluding to his impotence in such a crassly candid way? If you were such a bitch to me day in and day out, I wouldn’t touch you with a shitty stick either, you disgraceful cow. Who do you think you are? You treat your husband like a fucking slave and ridicule his manhood at every turn. No wonder he bakes such extravagantly pink fondant fancies – I imagine you’ve put him off women for life, he’s probably trying to lure in a sympathetic man who’s sensitive to his needs. Leave him alone, you awful, awful woman – he just wants to bake cakes in peace. Stop taking advantage of him like some kind of dessert Fritzl and please, please just piss off.


Friday, 12 March 2010

Home Sheep Home

Achingly cute and surprisingly addictive.

Click the image to play.

Bacon Rocket

Bacon: is there anything it can't do?

Poorly Dressed

Another masterstroke from the Cheezburger Network - Poorly Dressed. Because a lot of people can't tell what's acceptable and what's not.





The vacuum collector

I kind of respect this kid. OK, here's clearly a bit odd, but at least he knows what he wants out of life.

Don't cry for me, I'm already dead.

A lovely little comic strip about two brothers who communicate solely in Simpsons quotes. It's a bit sad.

Click the image to see.


(Bonus geek points if you recognise all of the quotes.)

"Catchphrase!"

Making a successful movie is surprisingly easy.

Redneck Bank

Unbelievably, this actually is a real bank. Click the image to see.